so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
