So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
just found out that she named her cat after me.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
