I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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