So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
birth control should be required to get into college
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
