So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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