You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
