Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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