Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
