There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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