Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
the condom got lost in my hair
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
