God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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