Hey man sorry I got all grabby
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
