I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
