Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
