these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
