Whatcha textin bout Willis?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
