I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
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