I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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