she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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