I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
