i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
My penis needs a shock collar
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Randomize
