We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
