I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
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JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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