forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
this will be a night to untag.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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