He kissed a someone with a penis
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Randomize
