i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
So apparently I’m into choking now
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