he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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