running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
