i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
