we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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