And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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