who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
