No awkward lesbian experiences without me
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
