you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
