Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
