Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
