Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
