you would pick up someone in the library
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
