Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
