Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
