Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
