I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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