I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
