May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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