And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize