he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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