no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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