I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
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How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
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I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
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