I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
