I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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