I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
