I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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