That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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