I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
third nipple confirmed
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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