my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
There are leaves in my underwear?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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