You really coming over, don't trick.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
