Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
