I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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