Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
