Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
