Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
