I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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