Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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