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Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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