Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
