every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
