i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
