It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
