No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
