guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
