your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
