hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
