I CAN MOONWALK!
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
