im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
