The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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